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She never once mentioned birth control or condoms she just vaguely mentioned staying safe a few times. Perhaps she intended to but didn’t know how, or maybe she trusted I was getting accurate information somewhere else. She created an environment where talking about sex was natural.īut despite her trust in me, she also failed me. She believed me when I told her that a boy was just a friend and nothing sexual would happen if he spent the night. She never judged or punished me for being sexual. And although it may seem counterintuitive, this is what she did right. Every male friend I had knew what my bedroom looked like. After that day, she often let me have boys spend the night. “Well, if he’s just a friend and you trust him, I’ll trust you.”

But I could tell she had never even considered the possibility that my girlfriends were anything more than friends. I identified as bisexual at the time, and she knew it. “You realize I could be sleeping with my girlfriends when they spend the night, right?” I remember asking her. That’s the logic I used when I asked my mother at 15 to have a good friend who happened to be male sleep over. More: Why I take my son to feed the homeless twice a month It’s either no one can spend the night, or everyone can. If I am worried about boys, I should be equally worried about girls. It would be completely irresponsible of me to ignore the possibility that my daughter isn’t heterosexual. If my daughter were to engage in unsafe sex with a person of any gender, she could contract an STD or STI. Not from pregnancy, or the other potential consequences of unsafe sex.

And I remember not being the exception - almost all of my friends were having sex.īanning boys from spending the night wouldn’t have prevented my teen pregnancy. I remember the sex in parked cars, the park and garages. I remember taking advantage of my boyfriend’s parents being at work. I remember a dark moonlit bedroom not being a requirement for fooling around. I know this because I remember being a teen. If they want to have sex, they’ll find a way. I want her to wait until she’s ready to experience motherhood on her own terms, until she’s lived life for herself at least a little bit.īut I know that trying to keep teens from having sex is impossible. Certainly, I don’t want her to go through what I did as a teen mom. You’d think the experience of being a teen mom would make me want to keep all boys at least 10 feet away from my daughter, or at least ban boys from her room. More: Masturbating is totally normal for everyone… but not my son This time I did it in her house, and my heart was still racing from the excitement. I probably could’ve just told her the truth, like I had many times before, but this time was different from the rest. She had known for quite some time that I was sexually active. I was usually pretty open about my sex life with her.

“No, we weren’t,” I tried to assure her, but I doubt she believed me. My mother was blasting Al Green like she did every Sunday when she cleaned the house.